My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
