I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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