woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
