I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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