At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
