so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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