YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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