so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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