Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
