When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
