M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
worst night to have a conscience
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
