East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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