I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize