I hate all girls vehemently.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
40s are totally the cure
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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