I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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