for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
