the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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