I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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