This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ugly people sure do ruin things
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
