The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
