im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
