I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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