omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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