office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
