they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
