didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize