so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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