Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
