i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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