Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
