guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
