I think scott just propositioned me for sex
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
