Rock
Scissors
Fuck
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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