He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
