I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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