Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize