you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
