I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
