i don't like sucking hair
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
