yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
