just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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