I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
love makes seman taste better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
