One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
worst night to have a conscience
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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