I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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