I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
