I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
