Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
