omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
