I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
