Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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