If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
