Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
