Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
