sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
