what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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