I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
