I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
