Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
