I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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