I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
