I'm sorry my penis didn't work
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
