dude i'm inner monologue high
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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