who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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